The Familiarity of Summer Stress

 Dear Violet and Olivia,

We've made our way past the trauma of final assignments and the exam season and now finding ourselves more than two weeks into my summer period. Time truly does fly when you're overwhelmed with navigating your way through such a tumultuous semester (let alone year). With the burden of the first year of uni finally removed off the shoulders, one assumes that they are free, right?

Not exactly.

Yes, it's an achievement to be considered for a job interview and getting that job a week since you arrive home from university, but I can't help feeling like a job isn't the best thing for me to have this summer. I feel like I should be resting, and making the most of this peaceful period away. Yes, it's beneficial I have a source of income, and I get to fill the void of having no friends through communicating with customers and working on a team, but I just feel exhausted. I feel like throughout this year I didn't feel as easily hurt by people because I built friendships with the nicest and most patient of people within my floor family, so when a customer or a coworker makes the tiniest of constructive criticism to me, I feel like taking the nearest chair and smashing it over my own head. To embellish this feeling a bit more, I am also influenced that I shouldn't be where I am. I'm now working on a team that is more social and charismatic than any of the other workplaces I've been a part of, and I need to pick up my game and embody that same energy.

But I can't.

I've never been able to open myself in front of people of different ages and other demographics to me, no matter how long I have been with their presence. I see work as a place where people should be focused on the tasks at hand, since that is the purpose for earning that job. I know it's important to ease tension when it isn't necessarily required, and that friendships can help with that, but my social anxiety and strong focus are lethal weapons that combat any sense of camaraderie.

However, this strife isn't necessarily disastrous. It led me to some conclusions that I am able to pocket for when I'm next challenged with adjusting to a new environment. The first is that the people who truly try to make me comfortable, the ones who really take the reins on our conversations, break the cold wall I've built up. It's not just that they ask how university is going for me, or if I need any help, but they also tell me about their everyday life. There's one I can think of who exemplifies this, and one who comes a close second. I guess it helps that the first one is a Filipino woman who feels free to speak Tagalog, which gives me the familiar feeling of talking to my mother or a sister. She also talks to my mother when she goes to the Filipino grocery store down the road after her Sunday shifts, so I guess that wall doesn't take much to break. But nevertheless I appreciate not only her efforts, but for just being there. The close second has already left to pursue her flight attendant career, and as I had recently learned, was always her original career path. Being a waitress, as well as a butcher at the city's Pak n Sav, were her two jobs to hold her over this pandemic. She was a natural people person, so she and I got along in a short amount of time. Whenever I knew I was going to work a shift alongside her, I felt immediately comforted and lowered my wall a couple of inches. She asked me about my interest in the performing arts and would prompt me to show my singing voice. I know she could whip up a natural conversation with anyone, but I still felt a personal connection to her. 

As I get ready to carry out my two final shifts at this restaurant, I have to admit I'm gonna miss working in this environment. Because no matter how bad I feel things can get, I will miss some aspects of it.

Love,

Maui