Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes (Turn and Face the Strange)

Dear Violet and Allegra,

Oh my god! Nothing big has happened but oh my god! I'm just in the mood to say oh my god! I don't have any motivation to study for my 3-credit physics internal, so at the moment I'm procrastinating by going through a dozen ball dress websites and writing this letter. I'm also listening to my 'beats' playlist because I've been exhausted listening to '80s hit after '80s hit. The list of things I'm getting sick of seems to increase in volume each day, since having two jobs, doing science-focused subjects and being a lead in a musical (ugh, shut up Marian!) is really putting a strain on my porcelain mentality. I am way past shattered.

If I were putting this much of a strain on my 2018 self, however, I'd be worse off. I was much more naive one year ago, yet I was doing less intense stuff than now. This moment in time around that year I was new to the part-time job while in high school lifestyle. I treasure that time, regardless of the nerves that would take over me in every task I carried out. I would forgo asking questions in the fear I would tremble in my words, therefore suffering the consequences of being clueless. If I could go back and say one thing to her, advice or not, I would tell her to not worry about changing for the moment as I wouldn't feel good about myself right now if it weren't for that previous personality.

Now I'm unapologetic for being myself. Can't care any less for the consequences of my real personality. I say all this with a grain of salt, but that's just the general jist of my persona in this moment in time. Without my previous experiences, I really don't think I would be as careless, being able to flail my arms around no matter the situation. Just kidding. But you know what I'm writing about.

The fact I share classes with my closest friends helps. I have calculus, religion, and biology with A, calculus with C, religion and statistics with J, scholarship with M, and physics with O. Last year I didn't have any classes with any close friends. It wasn't super depressing each time I had to go to class, though, since I learned to talk and adapt in unfamiliar territories that way. I guess I wouldn't change anything about it.

I have to go and study for my physics internal, which I'm slightly stressed about and definitely unprepared for, See you.

Love,
Maui

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