Dedicated to Violet and Olivia

Dear Violet and Allegra, You're currently catching me in a state of confusion, nerves, annoyance, anxiety, etc. It's how I feel every day of my life, but it's turning into explosive energy. I'm sitting in scholarship class, also known as the class I was supposed to be in two letters ago when I was 'on the run' (pun totally intended). Guess who I'm sitting next to, two desks away: Tony. In the flesh, as I sit with him during class, he doesn't exhibit the characters vibes. You could never tell that he was playing the lovesick, hopeless guy who would sacrifice his life just to be with a girl he met in a high school gym. Neither the person I know who tries so desperately to learn his lines when we're offstage. Earlier he was getting on the most extreme of my nerves when he was being obnoxious about the climate change strike happening next period to the other obnoxious boys in the class. Unfortunately, I have the dishonor of being surrounded by them a...

Dear Violet and Allegra, Oh my god! Nothing big has happened but oh my god! I'm just in the mood to say oh my god! I don't have any motivation to study for my 3-credit physics internal, so at the moment I'm procrastinating by going through a dozen ball dress websites and writing this letter. I'm also listening to my 'beats' playlist because I've been exhausted listening to '80s hit after '80s hit. The list of things I'm getting sick of seems to increase in volume each day, since having two jobs, doing science-focused subjects and being a lead in a musical (ugh, shut up Marian!) is really putting a strain on my porcelain mentality. I am way past shattered. If I were putting this much of a strain on my 2018 self, however, I'd be worse off. I was much more naive one year ago, yet I was doing less intense stuff than now. This moment in time around that year I was new to the part-time job while in high school lifestyle. I treasure that time, r...

Dear Violet and Allegra, Hi, it's me writing from the year 13 common room on Wednesday, the 27th of February, during period 1. Yes, Vi and Leg, I am in a place I am not supposed to be in. Shock horror. Letting go of the hypocritical embarrassment of my character, I'll use the cliche "Let me explain." This morning I had to attend form class. As I was sitting with A and M, these kids from my scholarship class came around to pick up a girl from the same class. Because I couldn't stand the thought of walking with them, I simply ignored the fact I needed to go along with them and be on time. By the end of form class, I walked to where our scholarship class is typically meant to be in and saw that another teacher was in the classroom. I asked where the class was, and she told me the room they were in and that they were doing a workshop. I climbed the stairs to where the classroom was, but upon getting a glimpse of the class being all focused and silent, I couldn...

Dear Violet and Allegra, It's always at odd intervals when I decide to post on this blog. Especially nowadays I don't have much motivation to write. I haven't read a single word out of a novel over the last several months, and it shows in my inability to sit down and type. That is, of course, an exception to the two instances where I have had to do so for the assignments I have already been issued for the new school year. Yes, Leg and Vi, in the time since I have written you a letter I have started my last year in high school. A couple of slightly significant changes have also taken place beforehand. For example, late last year I auditioned for my school's musical and got the lead role, but not just a regular lead role that I'm merely 'happy' about. Maria in West Side Story. The role I have always been set on having the chance to play in my life since I watched the film back in August last year. After my audition I begged my parents to drop me off to C...

Dear Violet and Allegra, It's a breath of fresh air to have school, work and personal life pause for a little while to the point where I can afford to write a letter to the both of you. For the past three days I had finished preliminary exams and so I could get away with laying on the couch all day and do absolutely nothing. This may be good to give my brain a rest, but it isn't good in terms of the fact I am without inspiration to make this letter good. I feel hazy, and I'm not used to it. Stress is what motivates me, and it's strange considering I don't use that stress to write good letters but to accomplish other tasks. I love writing letters to the both of you and wish more than anything that you can get the best version of my almost-seventeen year old self, but this is the best you can get. I'm only hoping my thirtysomething year old self is light years better to the hot mess I currently am as a teenager. Somehow, as I was in a period of stress, I manag...

Dear Number 2, A crush I have barely interacted with, so I'm not actually sure if my feelings for you are true. At the moment I am sitting directly across from you on your right side, and you're talking to ___ about your 4 and a half hour long study session. I wouldn't believe anyone in our year could actually take this studying thing seriously, so it turns out you're impressed me quite a bit. I've heard about your devotion to running, and if you were any other person I would be discouraged to have an interest in you, but because some magical force of nature made me fall for you I find that tolerable. I actually embrace it. Perhaps that would make me motivated to be fit for once. You're attractive. You with your pale skin, almond-shaped eyes, auburn hair covering a side of your forehead... I can't help but take little peeks of your face and stare until you look back at me. That's the moment when I divert my gaze and turn my head around in attempt to ...

Dear Leg and Vi, A time ago I published a letter not dedicated to either of you, but to a past crush. As embarrassing as it sounds for you to read the letter I posted it on this blog for a purpose -- to teach you about my experiences as a shy girl who has crushes on the most impossible of people. I modeled it after Jenny Han's 'To All The Boys I've Loved Before' (hence the title), and I wrote it with the underlying wish to have them revealed to my crushes just like what happens to Lara Jean in the book. It isn't likely to happen, but the thought lingers. The person whom I wrote the first letter to in fact happens to be in my drama class, and because people get really close in drama through acting in productions and go on trips, I plan to write a letter to him with the same tones, but in a more subtle structure of wording. A little risky especially since he has a girlfriend, but I've never admitted my feelings to a crush in such a confrontational way. I want t...