Dedicated to Violet and Olivia

Dear Violet and Allegra, It's such an annoying thing to be criticized. My usual reaction to this occurrence is by acting upon it, and putting myself in the shoes of the person giving this opinion. However, when it comes to something as personal as my relationship status, I refuse to change. I've had quite a journey accepting who I am as a person, including what I've experienced in the past and how my personality adjusts to those situations. This mainly began last year, where I believe the frequency of crushes I underwent in the 365 days was at its highest peak out of all years throughout my existence. It started out slow and subtle, sticking to this boy I liked from the year prior. Until we reached April when he left under mysterious circumstances. My next 'victim' didn't come around until June, when I fell for a year 13 guy in my drama class. As a younger year 12 being lower than him in the social hierarchy, my attempts at making him fall in love with me ba...

Dear Marian mid-West Side, You catch yourself wondering what life would be like after the show. You think about how empty it would be, no longer having an excuse to act someone who isn't yourself. From here on in it's uni prep, uni prep, driving lessons, uni prep. I can tell you it's definitely a change from the dramatic arts. At this point you've moved on, not including the occasional trilling of 'I Have a Love' subconsciously in the shower. I guess it's a component that will stay with you, like a little puppy following your every step in those anime movies. As you would expect too, I feel empty. I dig my head into differentiating trigonometric functions, writing about blood glucose homeostasis, and writing time series reports. The way I feel being around my friends is almost lifeless. Right before I went into biology, I occupied my interval burying my head in my notebook and chanting 'glycogen phosphorylase'. Not much makes up of our conversati...

Dear Violet and Allegra, As usual, I've attempted many times to write letters to you and never complete them. You'd think I'd go back to finishing them, but I don't as I can't fabricate the same energy as I wrote them in the moment. It's a terrible feature, considering I enjoy drama and that requires fabricating certain energies, but it's the same as trying to explain why I'm not as outgoing as other drama kids. Tangent aside, I've gotten down to writing this letter because I have that vibe to write. Last time I wrote I was still in rehearsals for West Side (I also don't believe we even finished blocking the show. How time flies), and now it's been a full month since our closing night. I'm not as depressed as I was a couple of weeks ago. If I was still depressed post-show pessimistic Marian writing this you wouldn't be able to read words you are familiar with (Hell, it would be unreadable at all). The Marian writing this has also ...

Dear Violet and Allegra, You're currently catching me in a state of confusion, nerves, annoyance, anxiety, etc. It's how I feel every day of my life, but it's turning into explosive energy. I'm sitting in scholarship class, also known as the class I was supposed to be in two letters ago when I was 'on the run' (pun totally intended). Guess who I'm sitting next to, two desks away: Tony. In the flesh, as I sit with him during class, he doesn't exhibit the characters vibes. You could never tell that he was playing the lovesick, hopeless guy who would sacrifice his life just to be with a girl he met in a high school gym. Neither the person I know who tries so desperately to learn his lines when we're offstage. Earlier he was getting on the most extreme of my nerves when he was being obnoxious about the climate change strike happening next period to the other obnoxious boys in the class. Unfortunately, I have the dishonor of being surrounded by them a...

Dear Violet and Allegra, Oh my god! Nothing big has happened but oh my god! I'm just in the mood to say oh my god! I don't have any motivation to study for my 3-credit physics internal, so at the moment I'm procrastinating by going through a dozen ball dress websites and writing this letter. I'm also listening to my 'beats' playlist because I've been exhausted listening to '80s hit after '80s hit. The list of things I'm getting sick of seems to increase in volume each day, since having two jobs, doing science-focused subjects and being a lead in a musical (ugh, shut up Marian!) is really putting a strain on my porcelain mentality. I am way past shattered. If I were putting this much of a strain on my 2018 self, however, I'd be worse off. I was much more naive one year ago, yet I was doing less intense stuff than now. This moment in time around that year I was new to the part-time job while in high school lifestyle. I treasure that time, r...

Dear Violet and Allegra, Hi, it's me writing from the year 13 common room on Wednesday, the 27th of February, during period 1. Yes, Vi and Leg, I am in a place I am not supposed to be in. Shock horror. Letting go of the hypocritical embarrassment of my character, I'll use the cliche "Let me explain." This morning I had to attend form class. As I was sitting with A and M, these kids from my scholarship class came around to pick up a girl from the same class. Because I couldn't stand the thought of walking with them, I simply ignored the fact I needed to go along with them and be on time. By the end of form class, I walked to where our scholarship class is typically meant to be in and saw that another teacher was in the classroom. I asked where the class was, and she told me the room they were in and that they were doing a workshop. I climbed the stairs to where the classroom was, but upon getting a glimpse of the class being all focused and silent, I couldn...

Dear Violet and Allegra, It's always at odd intervals when I decide to post on this blog. Especially nowadays I don't have much motivation to write. I haven't read a single word out of a novel over the last several months, and it shows in my inability to sit down and type. That is, of course, an exception to the two instances where I have had to do so for the assignments I have already been issued for the new school year. Yes, Leg and Vi, in the time since I have written you a letter I have started my last year in high school. A couple of slightly significant changes have also taken place beforehand. For example, late last year I auditioned for my school's musical and got the lead role, but not just a regular lead role that I'm merely 'happy' about. Maria in West Side Story. The role I have always been set on having the chance to play in my life since I watched the film back in August last year. After my audition I begged my parents to drop me off to C...